The Captain Kirk Optimization
by April in Paris
Summary: They would wait and do it again on Amy's next birthday. Sheldon would stick to this agreement, even though he knew Amy would try to undermine him at every turn with her usual craftiness and feminine wiles. But he would not stand for it. So why hadn't she tried even once to convince him otherwise? And why did that cause such a complex cascade of emotions? V-Day oneshot. CANON.


**They were in perfect agreement: they would wait and do it again on Amy's next birthday. An annual, planned event. Sheldon would stick to this agreement, even though he knew Amy would try to undermine him at every turn with her usual craftiness and feminine wiles. But he would not stand for it. So why hadn't she tried even once to convince him otherwise? And why did that cause such a complex cascade of emotions?**

* * *

 **The Captain Kirk Optimization**

* * *

Ah. So _this_ was horny.

Previously unable to understand the analogy, Sheldon now found himself gored by desire. Poking, prodding him: horns in his memory, horns in his chest, horns in his dreams, horns jabbing him in the kidneys. And not just any horns: long and pointy like an impala, turning, twisting, squeezing in his lower abdomen like a bighorn ram, hot and cruel like Maleficent.

Unable to watch her across the room, unable to sleep, unable to take a shower in peace, they snuck up on him when he least expected them. The pointed memories. In Technicolor, ultra HD detail.

How creamy her skin was, the perfect shade of barely pink ivory. How it formed the perfect adorable curve over her little pouchy stomach. The way it flushed. The way it felt, especially when he ran his palm down the side of her ribcage, past her waist, over those glorious hips. How pink her lips were, the darker pink of her tongue, the perfect O formed by her mouth or her pupils as she moaned. Oh, the moans! The deep tones, the air that pressed out from her body. Her neck, the way it arched and stretched as her chin tilted back, as she cried out in ultimate pleasure, the most exquisite thing he'd ever seen. And he'd seen simulations of an atom splitting.

"Sheldon?" Leonard's voice snapped him out of his reverie. Whether it was welcome or not, Sheldon was not sure.

"Yes?" He raised an eyebrow over his bowl of cereal.

"I thought you were staying over at Amy's," his roommate said as he reached for his own bowl, his ratty red robe wrapped around him.

"Why?" Sheldon asked, taking a bite.

"Because you had a date night last night. Because you just got back from Texas and I thought you'd be, you know, _excited_ to see each other." The sound of cereal hitting stoneware.

"Amy and I are always excited to see each other. It's such a relief to be with one of our own kind." Sheldon shook his head.

Leonard sat down across the island from him, carton of milk in hand. "I meant, I thought you'd want to spend the night together."

"Oh, I understand the confusion. Technically, Amy and I enjoy date evenings. Date night is a misnomer. Although it is dark by the time we say goodnight, so perhaps it's a gray area." Another bite. "But, technically, it is black outside. Can two technicalities mutually exclude each other? Can something be figuratively gray while being literally black? Huh, I'll have to ask Amy."

"Uh, sure." A pause. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but have you and Amy spent an entire night together since, um, you know?" Leonard asked, his brows furrowed.

Sheldon put his spoon down with a deep sigh. "We're adults and scientists, Leonard. We do not have to discuss this like adolescent boys. Do you mean since the night we engaged in sexual intercourse and both reached an orgasmic state?"

"We have to discuss it like adolescent boys or I have to hear disturbing things like that," Leonard mumbled. "Listen, Sheldon, I just want you to know that I'm here to talk. You know, if things didn't go well or if you need advice on how to improve your, uh, performance."

"Whatever gave you the impression things didn't go well?" Sheldon's heart hammered in his chest. Had Amy told Bernadette who told Howard who told Raj who told Emily who told Penny who told Leonard?

Leonard put his hands up. "Nothing. I've heard nothing. But it's been like two weeks since you spent the night."

"It's been 12 days! I was in Texas for Christmas!" Sheldon yelled, getting up from his stool. "I'll have you know not only is my mind a virtual Casanova, so is my penis!"

Storming out of the kitchen, he didn't even say good morning to Penny, whom he passed in the hallway.

"What was that about? But wait -" she said, shuffling to the coffee maker "- don't tell me if it has to do with Sheldon's you know. Just use the word . . . um . . . " - her eyes searched the kitchen - "potholder instead. Like a safe word."

"We weren't discussing Sheldon's potholder."

"Wheww," Penny said, pouring a mug of coffee.

"I was just asking why he didn't spend the night with Amy again, and at first he acted confused by my stupidity, then annoyed by my stupidity, and then he flew off the handle without ever answering the question," Leonard explained.

"So, like Sheldon." Penny leaned over the edge of the island and enjoyed the sight of Leonard pretending not to glance down her robe at her cleavage. Squeezing her arms together to improve the view, she took a drink of coffee. "So, wait, are you saying you think they haven't had sex again?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Penny screwed up her face. "No, I don't buy it. Come on, do you really think you could resist it that long? They're in love. Amy's still walking around with that stupid grin on her face."

"You're probably right. Maybe he just wants to come home to take a _Gataca_ -level shower here." He shrugged. "Has Amy said anything or just smiled?"

Penny shook her head. "Not since she told us it was magical and Sheldon talked dirty to her."

"Ugh." Leonard pushed his half-finished bowl of cereal away. "Potholder."

* * *

 _"Will you tell me what it feels like?" he whispered, breaking their first kiss in her bed. "So that I know if I'm doing it correctly? To your desired liking?" He thought he would be embarrassed to ask this, but the feel of Amy's hand on his face was comforting._

 _"Yes," she soothed backed, rubbing his cheek slightly. "Will you do the same? Tell me how it feels?"_

 _He swallowed his fear and pride for her. "Yes."_

 _But the words helped him through, helped him concentrate, to analyze such an array of stimuli. He could say that his heart rate was increasing, that his body temperature was rising, that his genitals were throbbing; this basic biological language was easy to express. Harder to express was the way it made him feel when she moaned or shivered or told him the skin under his tricep felt like "a petal on a fresh cut rose." He explored her slowly, and the need to formulate words to explain both the tangible and the intangible helped to throttle his speed. Which, he gathered from her own words of thanks, she quite liked this unhurried pace, that it helped her feel less anxious. He found himself doing things he had not anticipated, just to tell her about them. Did the skin of her inner thigh taste different than the skin of her breast? Why, yes, it subtly did._

 _When he watched her climax next to him, his hand caught between her legs, he wished he'd brought a thesaurus along. How_ did _that feel? Once she relaxed and opened her eyes again, panting and smiling, he confessed, "I am at a loss for words to adequately explain how good that felt."_

 _"I'm pretty sure it felt better to me," she heaved back, smiling wider._

 _So he explained further, nonsense really now, so inflamed with desire that words like sublime and glorious and even heavenly rolled off his tongue in place of those carefully chosen scientific terms. And then when the ultimate moment came, he found that he was overwhelmed just as he feared. But he was not frightened. He realized, feeling her surround him, that he should be overwhelmed at this moment, that this was exactly the correct time and place and amount and, most importantly, person with whom to be this overwhelmed. With each of his humiliatingly few thrusts, he sank deeper into oblivion with her, and he found only the same words, over and over again: "I love you." The last word came as a cry of joy, a cry of release, a cry of surrender, "Amy!"_

 _"Oh, Sheldon, did you really mean it? Do you really love me that much?" she asked when he managed to raise himself back up on his weak and spent arms, her voice shaky, her eyes misty and damp with impending tears._

 _He looked down at her, still between her thighs, still a part of her, always a part of her, and whispered with so much honesty it felt like bleeding, "Yes."_

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

Sheldon sighed and lowered his fork, watching Leonard rub his hair on the way to the kitchen. "Are you experiencing nocturnal amnesia? That's the second time in two months. My name is Dr. Sheldon Cooper, I am your roommate, and I am the smartest person you will ever meet. Oh, and that ditzy blonde you woke up next to is your wife. Your French toast is in the skillet."

"Thanks," Leonard mumbled, scowling as he brushed past Sheldon on the way to the stove. "I thought you were staying over with Amy."

"This again! Amy and I spent a pleasant date evening that ended after the moon had fully risen, but, as we do not have scheduled date midnights, date dawns, date sunrises, or date mornings, we exchanged goodnights and I returned to sleep in my own bed."

Leonard plopped down across from him and reached the syrup. "Didn't Amy just get back from a two-week long conference in Detroit?"

"Yes. Your amnesia is even worse than I initially thought. As your roommate, I will activate the Head Injury and Dementia section of our Roommate Agreement to locate the appropriate neurologist for your new condition." He put his palms on the top of the island to put himself upright.

"Sheldon, stop it. Sit down," Leonard said. Sheldon stopped, mid-raise, and looked over at him. "Please. I promise I'm fine."

"Hmmm." He lowered himself back on the stool.

"Listen, buddy, sex is like - like playing the piano. No one does it perfect the first time. It needs practice. So it's okay if -"

"Stop it right there. We're _not_ talking about that again." Sheldon stood and stormed toward his room, turing at the last minute to yell, "For the record, both my hands and my penis are like Mozart: quite proficient at the clavier!"

He slammed his bedroom door behind him.

"Didn't you tell him the safe word?" Penny said, rounding the corner.

Before Leonard could reply, the door opened again, and Sheldon yelled out, "And, for the record, everything went exactly according to plan!"

* * *

 _"For some one who didn't understand why I ordered Chinese food, you certainly made quick work of your beef with broccoli," she said, using her chopsticks to put a shrimp in her mouth._

 _"I didn't understand why you ordered it when you claimed not to be hungry," he replied. The Chinese food was a surprise. After they'd woken up from a little nap, he'd stated his desire for a shower; but while he stood in the stream of water, irrationally inspecting his body for any physical changes and finding only the same dangling genitals he'd always known, she had taken it upon herself to order dinner. And left him to pay for it when she retired to the bathroom to brush her hair._

 _"I lied. I was just eager to get you in bed," she said with shrug._

 _"Amy!"_

 _"Besides," she continued as though he hadn't spoken, "I think we burned a lot of calories. I was starving."_

 _"Me, too," he admitted, spearing the last piece of broccoli and putting it in his mouth. He glanced over at his girlfriend, sitting next to him on her sofa wearing her robe and the same little pink nightgown she had worn to bed. It was alarming, really, to see it again in such an innocent way. The memory of lifting it over her head came to him, and he actually jerked in response to the horns piercing his kidneys._

 _"I still would have taken you out for a nice birthday dinner," he said softly. He waved his hand toward the television he wasn't really watching. "Delivery and_ Friends _doesn't seem very romantic."_

 _She looked up and smiled. "Maybe it is to me. Because you're here."_ _Before he could reply, she leaned over their empty white take-out boxes and kissed him. "This has been the best birthday ever."_

 _He smiled. "I'm glad." Then he heard the theme song start to play, and he sighed, leaning forward to put the empty container on the coffee table. "Well, that's the end of the episode. As you have no desire for a fancy night out on the town, I guess I'll be off."_

 _"You're leaving?" she asked, panic in her voice, as she dropped her chopsticks and put her own container down._

 _"I'm clean, I'm dressed, my hair is dry, and this evening's festivities seem to have reached a conclusion," he pointed out._

 _Leaning forward quickly, she kissed him again. "Stay," she whispered._

 _"To watch more_ Friends _?" he asked._

 _"No." She kissed him once more, and it was the type of kiss that washed waves of desire over him and he felt that twisting deep in his abdomen again. He didn't even fight the invasion of her tongue, and he put his hands on her soft shoulders. "It's still my birthday."_

 _"I know," he said, his pulse increasing again._

 _"You said you couldn't wait for my birthday to do it again. Isn't it fortunate for you that it's my birthday?"_

 _Technically, that's not exactly what he said. Or what she'd semi-agreed to. It was not the plan. And, yet, there were the horns, prodding him ever closer to her. When she pulled away from him and stood, putting her hand out to him, he nodded and took it, following her to the bedroom._

* * *

"So, Ames, how are things going with Casanova Cooper?" Penny said, handing her a glass of wine.

"Well, thank you. I'm excited to meet his MeeMaw in person tomorrow," Amy said, taking the glass.

"Me, too," Bernadette chimed in. "But does anyone else think it's weird she's coming now, so soon after Christmas?"

"Yeah, sure," Penny said, sitting in her brightly colored spare chair. "Hey, listen, Amy, you know you can ask Bernadette and me anything, right?"

"Ookkaayy," Amy said slowly, lowering the glass. "Is there something I need to know about MeeMaw?"

"Oh, no, I'm sure she'll love you. I just - What's going on with you and Sheldon?" Penny blurted out.

"What do you mean? We're in love. We're dating," Amy replied. Then that little grin appeared on her face. "We now understand all the mysteries of life, to paraphrase Mrs. Patmore."

"Who? Never mind." Penny shook her head. "Doesn't it seem strange that he's leaving you alone after you guys have sex?"

"What?" Bernadette asked. "He's not been spending the night? He's lover and leaver? That's horrible!"

"No, guys, it's not like that," Amy said, her voice raising. "Sheldon is a gentleman."

"What's it like then, because I'm right, aren't I? He hasn't spent any more nights with you," Penny asked, leaning forward.

"I see there's some confusion." Amy reached out to put her wine glass on the coffee table, and she took a deep breath of courage. "To be honest, we haven't had sex since that first night."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back. The. Truck. Up," Penny said, her eyes round, her palm up. "You and Sheldon haven't had sex since the first time? It's been like two months!"

"Six and half weeks," Amy said sharply. "And the first night was magical."

"So what's the problem?" Bernadette asked. "If it was so magical?"

"Is it Sheldon? I bet it's Sheldon. Did he freak out about the germs or something? Was he scared of the dark?" Penny asked. "I told you to buy that _Serenity_ shaped nightlight."

"No." Amy shook her head. "He . . . suggested that he wanted to wait until my next birthday to do it again."

"What!" Bernadette yelled. "That's awful!"

"No, it was wonderful. _He_ was wonderful." Amy looked down and started to smooth out a wrinkle in her skirt. "He was so gentle. And attentive. And generous. The things he said . . . It was -" Amy took another breath to keep her voice still "- the best night of my life." She looked up to look in Penny's eyes. "And that's the truth. But -" she shrugged "- I can't ask him to do it again."

"Why not?" Bernadette asked softly.

Amy turned her head. "Because I can't rush him or pressure him. I can't lose him again." And then her voice did break.

"Oh, sweetie." Penny got up and smashed herself next to Amy on the love seat, putting her arm around her. "Can't you just sort of, you know, kiss him a lot, get him the mood, and let nature take its course?"

Amy shook her head as Penny pulled her in closer. "Sometimes, when we're making out, I want him so badly, and I think about saying something or doing something but then I freeze. I don't want to make him uncomfortable or pressure him."

"Can't you talk about it?" Bernadette asked, rubbing her hand along Amy's arm. "You should be able talk about it. If you're going to be in a serious relationship, you have to talk about these things."

"That's rich coming from someone who's been married for four years and still hasn't discussed children!" Amy shot back.

"Hey!" Bernadette yelled.

Penny waved her hand at Bernadette. "We'll talk about that later. Amy, Bernadette makes a good point. You need to have a two-sided conversation with Sheldon about this. Don't just give into his demands."

"He didn't demand anything. We did discuss it. I - I agreed."

"Agreed to what exactly?" Penny asked.

"To waiting until my next birthday. I can't break my promise."

"Why did you do that?" Bernadette asked.

"Because I was so happy when he said it, and I just said that it sounded good to me without thinking. My mind was so clouded with hormones, because, let me tell you, Sheldon really does excel at everything."

Penny squeezed her harder. "Oh, Ames, Sheldon is madly in love with you. He wants to make you happy. Isn't there anything you think you can say to him?"

"No. I won't risk losing him again." Amy sighed. "You don't understand. Anyway, once he updates the Relationship Agreement and I sign it, that's it, it will be binding."

"So don't sign it," Bernadette said. "Make your own form or something."

"Wait." Penny pulled away from Amy. "Are you saying he hasn't updated the Relationship Agreement yet?"

"No, not yet," Amy said.

"Doesn't that seem odd to you? Sheldon is a lot of annoying things but someone who puts things off is not one of them," Penny said.

"A procrastinator?" Bernadette asked.

"Yeah, that," Penny said slowly, the gears in her mind already turning.

* * *

 _This time, they were mostly silent. He thought about reciting his experience to her again, but it seemed repetitive as he noticed his body following the same series of changes and sensations as it prepared itself to be intimate with her. There were the feathery sounds of clothing rustling and falling, the smacking wet sounds of deep kisses, the smooth sounds of skin brushing against skin._

 _Without the words, though, it seemed to be rushing by at incredible speed. His body ached for release, longing to be back in her embrace._

 _"Amy," he finally whispered. "There's something I want to try. I read about it. It's - it's supposed to help us reach climax together."_

 _"Okay," she nodded back._

 _He remembered it being more fluid the first time, he didn't remember having this trouble aligning himself, he remembered her feeling, well, more aqueous, and he certainly didn't remember that little squeak she made._

 _"Amy?" he asked._

 _"It's okay. Carry on," she breathed out._

 _Pausing just a moment as she adjusted her leg, he bit his lip. How it good it felt to be there, that he remembered. And yet not. Did it feel this good last time?_

 _"Okay, I move up -" he pulled himself along her body until her face was hidden beneath his neck "- and that allows the shaft to -"_

 _"I understand the concept," she said, muffled beneath him, and he felt her turn her head._

 _Licking his lips, he searched the text in his mind. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. If he pulled up, his face was supposed to be next to hers. But they didn't fit that way. He wished he could see her, kiss her lips as he made love to her. Mostly, thought he wished he could watch her climax at the same time he did from this, from actually making love. "Am I suffocating you?" he asked._

 _"No."_

 _Following the next step, he lowered his pelvis. "Am I too heavy?"_

 _"No, it's okay."_

 _There seemed nothing left to do other than thrust, and he quickly established a rhythm as he silently analyzed how this was different. The only sound was their breathing, his more rapid and rattling, hers coming as little puffs against his neck. It was good. Very good. Odd, he felt the horns even here, pushing him on, egging him on, ever faster and deeper and - "Nooooo."_

 _He rolled off of her quickly this time, while he was still groaning. Should he reach for her hand again? No, because he didn't deserve it. Why hadn't she said anything? Because it was awful, that's why._

 _Then he felt her fingers over his. "Will you stay the night? Sleep here with me?" she whispered._

 _Turning to look at her, he could only stare at her. Why was she asking that? He didn't deserve her, not after . . . that._

 _"Please," she said. "I love you, and I just want you to hold me." She rolled over, her bare back presenting its long, creamy line to him._

 _Not entirely sure why she'd want that from him now but entirely sure the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her further by leaving, he reached over to turn off the lamp, and curled around her. She may have fallen asleep that way, but he was awake for a long time._

* * *

"Spill it!"

Sheldon jumped. "That was close. I almost did spill it and, let me tell you from experience, Downy makes a sticky mess on any floor." He turned around to look at Penny. "Although I fail to understand why you would want me to spill Downy."

"Not the Downy. Your reasons." Penny crossed her arms and came to lean against the empty washing machine next to him.

"My reasons for doing laundry? It's Saturday night. Oh, excuse me, evening. In case you and Leonard are trying to trip me up again." Sheldon shook his head as he poured the fabric softener in the dispenser.

"Amy says you haven't updated the Relationship Agreement to include sex yet."

"Oh." Sheldon turned his eyes away, concentrating on closing the lid to the washing machine and putting the quarters in the correct slots. "I see. Well, since she's sharing everything, I suppose she told you I have another ten and half months to do that?"

"Yeah, she might have mentioned that." Penny sighed. "Are you crazy - no, don't say it."

Sheldon looked over at her. "It was her birthday present. You knew that. She knew that. Her birthday has passed."

"Really? So it was just a transaction? Does Amy know this? That it apparently it meant so little to you?"

"How dare you? It meant everything to me and then I ruined it!" Sheldon turned on his heels, storming out of the room, leaving his laundry basket behind.

"Sheldon, wait, come back!"

He heard her coming quickly behind him, and he cursed himself that he'd never taken up running. When he felt her tug on the back of his shirt even before reached the ground floor, he had to admit defeat. He stopped but said, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Too late. How did you ruin it? Does this have to do with all that stuff MeeMaw said? Amy knows you didn't tell her to say that stuff."

"I know Amy knows, we talked about it later." Then, panic struck and Sheldon whipped around. "Do you think MeeMaw knows that for all my genius I'm horrible at coitus?"

Penny rolled her eyes. "Of course not. Unless you told her. And, for the record, Amy doesn't think you're horrible at coitus. She said you excelled."

"Really?" Sheldon lowered himself onto the stair. "But how? We tried the Coital Alignment Technique, and it didn't work. I wasn't able to - never mind. I failed."

"Okay, I don't know what that is, but anything with that long of name probably needs an instruction manual. There's your problem," Penny crossed her arms again.

"But she hasn't tried to initiate it again," Sheldon looked up at her.

"She says she promised to wait until her next birthday," Penny said. "I've got admit I'm surprised you didn't do some kind of follow-up survey the next day."

Sheldon grunted. "Good idea."

"Listen," Penny sat down on the step below his feet and looked up at him, "you should be having this conversation with Amy, not me. But I thought that after you finally got her back and you defended her in front of MeeMaw and all that that there weren't any secrets between you, that you weren't going to let things like this get between you again."

"That's just it," Sheldon said softly, looking away. "What if she leaves me again because I'm not any good at this one thing she really wants from me?"

"I think not talking to her about it is worse. I still think you should let her tell you this, but when Amy talks about that night, she doesn't talk about how long it lasted or whatever that alignment thingie is. She talks about the way you looked at her and the things you said and how much you were focused on her. That's all she really wants. That's all any girl wants, to be the center of her man's universe."

* * *

 _Dawn. Daybreak, vile daybreak. Careful to avoid shaking the bed too much, he rolled to watch her sleep. He couldn't move much, as somehow their feet had tangled together during the night. Just like her hair. Not as snarled as last night, but seductive nonetheless. How could something so wild and unstructured cause such a response in him?_

 _She murmured something in her sleep, and her hand came up to rest on his forearm. Her little hand, her pink nails, their lunulae taunting him that it was no longer night. That it was no longer her birthday. There was no time left. To enjoy her love, to bask in her joy, to melt into her skin._

 _"Amy, you are heaven to me. The entire universe, all the stars and the moons," he whispered._

 _Reaching up, he barely wrapped his hand around hers, almost not touching it, the cautious caress of holding a delicate, broken thing. No time to correct his error, no time to fix it. "I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel that way."_

* * *

Technically, it wasn't an agreement. They hadn't shook hands on it. For all the words that rolled off their tongues before he said it, 'promise' was not among them. And, based on the length of time Sheldon had just stared at this almost-blank document, his eyes tracing every letter of the words Section 84: Coitus at the top, it would be another decade before they signed the addendum to the Relationship Agreement.

Sighing, he shut the lid of his laptop and leaned back against his headboard. Was Penny correct? Probably. Even though he was certain her brain resembled Swiss cheese, the intact parts seemed to have to do with relationships. Yes, he should talk to Amy about this. But would it be too strange after this long of time? Why hadn't he thought of a performance review!

Or, he thought, biting his lip, what if he was right and Penny was wrong? What if Amy hadn't initiated intercourse again because of that disastrous second time, the time he got carried away and finished too quickly and didn't pleasure her at all? He couldn't figure out why Amy wasn't bringing it up. It wasn't like her to not flirt and be crafty and try to convince him to change his mind. Now, in retrospect, he realized he'd been hoping for it. Every single time he felt the horns in his lower back, he wished had an excuse to be intimate with her again. Any excuse would do.

On the other hand, she wasn't being distant, either. So that didn't clear things up at all. They'd been enjoying date nights and long conversations and pleasant outings. She still seemed to enjoy kissing him, wrapping her arms around his neck or resting them on his shoulders. And the way she'd looked at him when she found out about the engagement ring!

Without glancing at the time, Sheldon opened his laptop and called her.

"Sheldon?" came Amy's face, her hair tangled and her glasses crooked. The sight of that hair brought back memories to him and the accompanying horns. "Are you all right?"

"I'm calling to ask you to Valentine's Day."

"Is this a new thing, waking me up to issue invitations? Because I'm not a fan."

"I'm sorry I woke you. I just was thinking of you, and I wanted to make sure you were free to do something with me," he said.

Her brow furrowed. "Unless this is a dream, I thought we had plans for Valentine's Day. Did you change your mind about the live episode of _Fun with Flags_?"

"No!" He cleared his throat. "But I thought . . . um, maybe you'd like to do something with just the two of us. Not our millions of Internet fans."

She blushed with pleasure. "Of course I'd love to do something with just the two of us." Amy paused and took a breath. "What did you have in mind?"

"We could go out to eat on Friday or Saturday. Or whatever you like . . ." he suggested. He really hadn't thought this through.

"Actually, I have an idea."

"What?" he asked, silently begging for her to say coitus. Or even give to me again.

"Since you were so sweet to get all dressed up and bring me flowers for my birthday, let's keep it casual. We could go eat somewhere and then go see _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies._ Jane Austen for me, fictional killer undead monsters for you. We can go early, if you like, to beat the Valentine's Day crowds."

This woman! She was brilliant! "That's brilliant, Amy! It will be like our secret fake Valentine's Day. Oh, I've got it. Falentine's Day!" Amy grinned, and he almost thought about asking what she had planned for the rest of their evening, after this early meal and movie, but he didn't want to ruin the moment. So he asked instead, "Don't you want to go a nice restaurant? You never got your fancy birthday dinner."

"No, it's okay. You know I like to save room for popcorn."

"Well, if you're sure . . . "

"Sheldon, I want you to know there's no pressure associated with this Valentine's Day, you don't have to get me any presents," Amy said softly. "I'm not expecting anything special."

His heart plunged. No presents. What did that mean? "What does that mean?"

"I mean with the - the ring." She looked away.

"Oh. Of course not. Why would I give that to you for Valentine's Day? I named an asteroid after you."

She looked back and smiled. "Good. Just a light dinner and a movie. That's it."

Sheldon swallowed. "That's it."

* * *

 _"I missed you," he murmured into a kiss, his thumb rubbing against her hip. "Two weeks was too long."_

 _"Agreed." Her lips pressed against his again. "I really, really missed you." Another kiss, and he felt the warm dart of of her tongue._

 _Opening his mouth, allowing her to join him, noticing the uptick in her breathing, the uptick in his heart rate, the uptick in his . . . There it was. The combination of hope and horns and shame entwined deep within, pulsing outward. She pressed closer, her hands moving up from his shoulders to wrap around his neck and he pulled her in toward him. He wanted her, that could not be denied. But did she want him? Even though she was elevating their happy kisses of reunion into a full make-out session, what did that mean? Would she press further, whisper a suggestion in his ear, so that he could pretend to be shocked even as he allowed her to take his hand and lead him to her bedroom? Would she be the wily vixen he so longed for her to be?_

 _Or had would she remember the failure of the second time, the time he crushed her beneath him and only took, not giving? Was she already dreading next year? He wanted her to say that she wasn't, to invite him to stay over that night again. Not that he deserved it, but he found the new antlers digging in to his back had a logic of their own. He still wanted her, even though he didn't deserve her, and she would never want him again._

 _It happened so suddenly, even if it were subtle, that it was pointless to discuss how it started. Or who started it. He stiffened and her mouth fell still. And they were apart again, she looking away and reaching up to touch her reddened lips._

 _He licked his own lips in remorse, in regret, in something like confusion and yet not. "Anyway, I'm glad you're back."_

 _"Me, too."_

 _Silence._

 _"It's getting late, we should probably go eat," she said, looking back at him, her eyes giving away nothing._

 _"Of course," he nodded. "What would you like?"_

 _"Just some Chinese food, I think."_

 _"That's it? I'll take you anywhere you like."_

 _She shrugged softly. "That's it."_

* * *

Sheldon sat on her sofa, chatting with her as she made the tea, discussing the finer points of the movie. "You know, that just may be the perfect movie for us."

Amy smiled as she handed over a mug of tea and sat down next to him. "Maybe. I liked it, too." She took a drink. "Thank you for agreeing to this, I had a good time."

"Me, too." Sheldon took a drink.

Suddenly, Amy put her mug down. "Listen, Sheldon, I may have mislead you a little bit when I asked you come up for tea."

"Oh?" There is was again, the all too familiar mix of desire and dread in his lower abdomen.

"I told you just dinner and a movie -"

"Yes?"

"- but I actually bought you a gift. Since you named an asteroid after me and everything," she finished in a rush.

"A gift?"

"Wait here." Amy scampered off and came back with a small box.

Sheldon managed to hide his disappointment as he took it from her and opened it. She meant an actual present. No euphemisms this time. Lifting the lid, he looked down at the little patch of red fabric in the box and smiled. The _Star Trek_ logo. Then, when he lifted it out of the box, his smile faded.

"Are these underpants?" he asked. "Why are they red? And why are there little short legs?"

"Boxer briefs," Amy said, leaning over and pointing. "Here, look at this leg."

Sheldon read aloud what he had already noticed. "'Spock in the streets, Kirk in the sheets.'" Then he looked up at her grinning face. "I don't get it."

Her eyebrows dipped in obvious confusion. "Really? It's because Spock is so rational and dispassionate, but Kirk is -"

"No, I mean, I _get_ it. But why did you buy me lingerie? Men don't wear lingerie."

"It's mangerie, then." Amy frowned. "I thought you'd laugh. It's science fiction based sex humor."

"Amy, I - I don't understand. If it's a compliment, I don't deserve it, not after -" he looked down at the new underwear in his hand.

"Sheldon, of course it's a compliment!" Amy reached out for his hand. "Why don't you think you deserve it?"

"Because . . . Amy, I realize that my performance was rushed. I allowed my desire for my own pleasure to cloud my mind and make me selfish. You don't have to keep silent in order to imply otherwise."

"What are you talking about? It was the best night of my life. You weren't selfish at all!"

"I wasn't able to bring you to orgasm," he whispered, rubbing his thumbnail against the elastic waistband of the new briefs.

"Yes, you did. I'm sure you remember! When - oh." Amy's voice dropped.

"Apparently, it was so bad you even tried to block it from your mind."

"Sheldon, look at me. Look at me."

He look up at her beautiful green eyes, the little furrow between her brows. "Why didn't you tell me you felt this way? I wasn't expecting the Coital Alignment Technique to work the first time. It takes practice. I thought you knew that from your research. And I think maybe our height difference is an issue. But I was just so touched that you had researched it, that you wanted to try a way to allow us to share a mutual orgasm. I wish I'd known that you thought it was supposed to happen the first time, I could have put your mind at ease. You said you wanted to find out things together, and that's what I thought it was. Just us, being together, and it was wonderful even if it wasn't successful in one way you wanted it to be. But it was successful in all the others ways I wanted it to be."

"Really?"

"Really." Amy squeezed his hand. "I think you tried too hard the second time."

"How is that possible?"

"The first time, you just let your emotions take over and you didn't overanalyze it."

Sheldon's dipped his brows. "But I did. I described my heart rate and respiration rates, just as you requested."

"Yes, at first. And then you -" she blushed "- then you started to say other things, about how my skin felt and how it tasted and what I looked like and you called me heavenly. Oh, Sheldon, it was perfect."

He replayed the entire scene in fast forward in his mind, stopping at that moment.

 _How overcome he'd been to just touch her there, to bring her to such heights of pleasure, how it was softer and warmer and more silky than he'd ever imagined. As she lay, panting and grinning, his flexed his fingers one more, still within her most private of places, and she shivered again, another ripple running past him, what he supposed was some sort of after shock from her climax. "Amy, you are heaven to me. The entire universe, all the stars and the moons." It was both highly illogical and unquestionably true._

Yes, he had said it then, too. Without the regretful line afterwards.

"You're right." He glanced down at the briefs once more. "I stopped thinking like Spock, I was only feeling like Kirk." He swallowed. "But then why don't you want to try it again?" he asked, the words coming out quickly, before he thought about it too much.

"Who says I don't? I thought you didn't. You wanted to wait a whole year."

Sheldon shook his head. "Not any more. I just - I just don't know how to tell you that. That I desire you at a certain moment. Lots of moments. Too many moments."

"Well, saying that would be a nice way of doing it," Amy said, surprising him by leaning in softly to kiss him. "Or you could touch me a way that lets me know it is more than a kiss."

"But when does it become more than a kiss? I don't want to make you uncomfortable. And sometimes I think I feel you back away when we're kissing."

"Sometimes _you_ back away."

"I don't know how to do this, Amy! I don't want to push you away again." There, he'd said it. What would she say? It was hanging in the air between them, and he held his breath.

"I haven't said anything because I don't want to lose you, either," Amy whispered. "I love you, Sheldon, and I don't ever want to hurt like that again. Or have you hurt that way either."

He nodded. "I love you, too. And I feel the same."

"Good." She smiled softly, and he leaned forward to give her a soft kiss.

"But how do I ask? If I don't back away, that only leaves pressing forward. What if I misread your signals?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You won't, if you're slow and gentle and considerate, which you've proven more than capable of. I'll tell you if I'm not in the mood." She kissed him again, firmer. "Or you can just ask. You could put out your hand and ask me if I would like to go to bed with you."

"An invitation?"

"Yes." Another kiss.

Sheldon reached for her arms and slid them off her neck, and he watched her face fall slightly in confusion. Then he stood and put a hand out, palm up. "Amy Farrah Fowler, would you do me the honor of going to bed with me?"

Her cheeks flushed with joy as she put her hand in his. "Yes."

He helped to pull her up and had just taken a step when she pulled him back. "Wait!" She reached down and grabbed the forgotten briefs, tossing them into his chest. "You go put these on and I'll be waiting in the bedroom."

* * *

Mangerie? Had she just made that up? Sheldon shook his head and he pulled the briefs on over his slim hips. The things he did for this woman!

Except these weren't half bad. The fabric was very soft. He twisted while standing in Amy's bathroom and looked behind him. Maybe they were appealing from behind. Okay, he'd go in there, he'd wear the silly and yet surprisingly comfortable new underpants, and he'd try not to overthink it. "Kirk in the sheets," he muttered.

Knocking softly on the door and waiting for her to say "Come in," Sheldon peeked around the door. She was already in bed, sitting up, the sheets pulled up tight across her chest. Her bare shoulders telegraphed her nakedness, and Sheldon felt his body start to respond.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked. "I am _not_ doing any role-playing."

"Not yet," Amy said with a smirk.

"Amy!"

A softer smile. "I don't really want Captain Kirk, Sheldon. I only meant that maybe you can relax like him. But I only want _you,_ " Amy said.

He let out a breath and nodded.

Amy smiled, still wearing her glasses. "Come out from behind that door so I can see you, for starters."

His heart hammered as he stepped out from behind the protection of the wooden door. He felt foolish and conspicuous, suddenly realizing why Amy had been so nervous when she came in the room that night. But she had been beautiful, and he couldn't help but gaze at her body and that little nightgown . . . oh, now Amy could see everything! He tried to turn and rush toward the opposite side of the bed, to hide his arousal beneath the covers.

"Stop! I want to see them. Turn around. Slowly," Amy ordered from behind him.

"I'm not a horse you're inspecting for purchase," Sheldon protested, although he stopped as ordered.

"I'm not looking at your teeth, Sheldon."

Sighing softly, Sheldon rotated near her side of the bed. Why shouldn't he let her look? She'd seen it before. And she'd bought these underwear to frame it. It had to be admitted that it was quite . . . Amy made a low hum of appreciation. "Satisfied?" he asked, looking back at her.

She was grinning. "Oh, yeah."

"Can I get in bed now? I don't know what to do, standing here."

"Stop over thinking it. What would Kirk do?" she asked. "Wouldn't he be proud of his fine physique? Wouldn't he want to show it off?"

"Probably," Sheldon admitted. "And my physique is better."

Amy grinned wider, and he smiled back at her. It was encouraging to have his body stared at with such naked desire. Okay, he would play Amy's little game. "He would probably even pose and preen, like this." He put one hand on his hip and lifted the other up to run through his hair. "I am so . . . Handsome."

"Hoooot!" Amy whistled. "And you said you weren't role-playing. Get over here, you sexy space captain!" She pulled back the blankets for him as she reached up to take off her glasses.

"Do you like them? My gift?" she asked as he settled in next to her.

"I'd like them more if you hadn't called them mangerie."

"You get to make up Falentine's Day, and I don't get make up mangerie? That's hardly fair!"

Gazing at her, her little pout adorable, he said, "I'm saying illogical things without thinking first, ignoring the rules for my own benefit. I am literally being Kirk in the sheets."

"Well played." She chuckled. "You can leave them here, if you like, so no one else knows about them." Leaning over to kiss him, she whispered, "They can be our secret."

"Very well," he breathed into a kiss, gathering her into his arms. Oh, yes! This again! Her mouth, her lips, her tongue, her skin, her breasts, they were here to touch, to kiss, to love.

"Mmmm, I liked that," Amy whispered as he left a trail of little pecks along her shoulder.

Sheldon backed up to look at her. "Do you think I should talk again? Like last time? About how it feels?"

"I think we shouldn't think about it, remember? If you feel like talking, then please do. I, however, intend to be very vocal."

It was like that rush of relief he got when he thought he had actually forgotten something and remembered it after all. It all came back to him, what she liked, how she liked it. Anytime he felt his conscious try to formulate a plan, he pushed it away. Once, his brain started to inquire about why Amy liked to nibble so much, but then he forced it away. He could ask her later; right now, he would only feel it and it felt surprisingly good. No plans, only feeling. Feeling her skin, her hair, her hand brushing against him even through the thin red fabric. "Oh, Amy."

Before he could even feel anything else, she was pushing him back down, on his back, and she ran her hands over the red briefs, starting at his hips, little teasing zigzags with her fingertips as she worked her way towards his center. "Amy!" he moaned in desire.

"Yes?" she said, grinning and reaching for the waistband. He lifted his hips and she slid the underpants effortlessly down his body until he could kick them away himself, lost somewhere in her sheets. And, then, before he could touch her again, she straddled him. "Are you ready?" she whispered.

"Like this?" he asked, a tapping of panic in his heart. "I don't know what to do when it's like this. I haven't brushed up on my -"

"Shhh, Sheldon, don't think about it too much. Just feel."

Ohhhh, had it felt that good last time? She enveloped him and let out a little moan of her own, causing Sheldon to fear that he just might disappoint her again, right at that second. But he didn't. Amy paused and then adjusted, sending another zing of pleasure though him and then she started to move slowly, back and forth, parallel to his body. What should he do? He reached for her waist and helped her move once, but then Amy stopped moving and gently smacked his hand. "Let me do it."

Nodding, he lowered his palms to rest on her thighs. She was magnificent! He watched her, the way her body moved, the way her breasts swayed softly with her motions, the way she kept moving her hands, down her side, to rest on his, through her hair, to touch her own breast once. That just about sent him over, too. Sometimes her eyes squeezed shut and sometimes she opened them and smiled down at him.

And yet she was, in a sense, so far away from him. "Amy, I want -" he stopped. No explanations, only feelings. Squeezing his stomach he rose up, wrapping his arms around her. Amy stopped moving and raised her eyebrows. "Is this okay?"

"Oh, yes." She grinned and leaned forward to kiss him, her touch making contact with him just as she started moving again. "Oh, this is even better."

Sheldon kissed her face, her neck, her collarbones, feeling her grind into him, lost in the cycle of almost forgetting, remembering, almost forgetting, remembering. He brought his palms forward to cup her breasts, running his thumbs across her nipples. "That's good," she moaned, throwing her head back, curving her chest toward him.

Hunching over, he took one of her breast in his mouth and she groaned in response. He toyed with her nipple a bit with his tongue, and then he had an idea. But would Kirk do it? That, too, he pushed away with admonishment. No, he would not think about it. Besides, he wasn't Kirk. Amy said she didn't want Kirk, she wanted him. And _he_ wanted to do, he _felt_ like Amy would like it, given how much she'd already brought her teeth into play. Timid and shy, he captured her nipple between her teeth, careful not to bite down, barely tugging.

"Oh, God! Yesssssss," Amy hissed and her pace started to increase. So she liked it! He couldn't help himself, he grinned at his success.

Unable to keep up with her now, he held her as she pressed her cheek against his, her breath coming in little squeaks close to his ear. He was powerless to her rocking above him, around him, and he felt it coming, the tsunami alarms going off in his brain, seeing it from a near distance but unable to stop it . "Amy - Amy - can you - slow down - I can't - please -" Not this again! Not another ruined experience. She was making so much more noise than before, all those little gasps and squeaks and mews, he wasn't sure if that meant if she was close or not. No, it wasn't supposed to happen this way! Please, no -

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" she screamed, her perfect shade of skin flushed pink everywhere and her beautiful neck arched and stretched and she kept crying as he felt her climax, even from deep inside, and he shut his mind off and he let the waves take him too, groaning out her name.

Her damp forehead fell against his shoulder as they panted together, and he pulled her in tight, kissing her hair, her temple, caressing the rivets of sweat on her back. She had worked very hard for them, for him, and he never thought he'd appreciate another's perspiration so much. "I love you, Amy."

Nuzzling into his neck, she whispered, "I love you, too." She pulled back and smiled at him, dazzling him with her joy.

"You made it so we climaxed together," he said. "Thank you."

She nodded. "That together was amazing. But this together -" she reached for his hand on her waist and interwove their fingers "- is even better. And that's the together that matters to me."

Sheldon nodded, his heart bursting with appreciation and love and relief. There was no pressure here with Amy. She was correct, they would be together in the only way that mattered to them. As if she understood his very thought, she swung away from him, letting him go, and curled up in the middle of her bed, reaching up to pull him after her.

Should he ask her about adding that position to some sort of rotation? Should he ask her - No. He pulled away from her just enough to grab the sheet and pull it over them, before holding her close again, her face buried in his chest and his hands brushing through her hair. No, he would not ask her here, between the sheets.

"I look forward to doing that again. Whenever we feel like it," Amy said.

"Works for me," Sheldon whispered, kissing the top of her head.

THE END

* * *

 _ **Happy Valentine's Day! Send some love my way in the form of a review! Thank you for reading!**_


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